President's Messages

07/26/10

Message from the President
 
As I reflect on the past few weeks and the month of July death of loved ones and celebrities are on my mind.  Since 2001, July has been a difficult time for me and my family.  On July 1, 2001 we lost my stepson Doug at age 25 in drowning accident and on July 31, 2003 I lost my husband Jim, at age 49.  Jim died from a pulmonary aneurism.  Both of these deaths were sudden and hard to understand.  I’ve often contemplated if I had a choice of death would I want to die suddenly or know in advance.  I have to admit I am still contemplating.

I have always tried to live my life celebrating the Journey.  Like most of you, I have experienced ups and downs traveling my path.  I continue to remind myself that we have choices.  Just like Matt Booth (July speaker) shared with us about CYA (check your attitude) we make choices as to how we react and learn from our experiences.  I have learned so much during those dark times of grief.  Here is a short list I would like to share with you:

• Make the best of every day
• Don’t live with regrets
• Make peace
• Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, DO NOT just assume your actions tell all
• Appreciate that little things
• It’s o.k. to allow others to help you, you don’t have to do it all YOURSELF
• There are no RULES to grieving

Many of you watched the memorial service for Michael Jackson, some of you may even have sent a donation.  Why was it important for a production?  I’m sure each of us has an opinion about the publicity Michael’s death received.  When a celebrity dies it is a headline.  Why is it important to follow the death of celebrities?  Do you appreciate people and their contributions more when they die? 

Is there someone you need to make amends with?  Someone you have neglected to tell them how much they mean to you and how important they are in your life?  If so, I encourage you to take the first step.  I did not know the morning Jim kissed me good-bye would be the last kiss or that last words I heard him speak. 
Death is not a comfortable topic for most of us.  In my college Speech class I gave a persuasive speech about Death Education vs. Sex Education.  Just for the record I believe they are both important, but in the speech I pointed out that all of us are going to die and all of us will know someone who dies, NOT all of us will have sex.  So why is it that we are not educated about death?  It is viewed as unpleasant.  Should it be?  Depending on your faith, you could argue that death is what you are waiting for.

Is it fair to compare a wedding event to a funeral event?  Can they both be a celebration?  Is it important to attend a wake/visitation, the funeral?  What do you say?  How do you act when you see the survivors?  One of my favorite conversations to hear at a wake/visitation is “he/she really looked good didn’t they?”  Does a dead person really look good?

Lastly I challenge you to bring the subject of death up in your conversations.  I can tell you from experience that planning a celebration of a loved one’s life is much easier if some type of pre-planning or discussion has taken place.  The question of “what would they have wanted” is gone.  You know what they wanted, you are then free to make informed decisions.

Sue Berning
PWI Co-President